Turning Poor Choices into Opportunity

As involved as parents are or aren't, kids will still make poor life choices. At each of those points in a teen's life are opportunities for learning and bonding. When you discover a lie, a mistake, or experimentation with substances, here are some ideas for communication and bonding in the midst of a negative situation.

1) Don't just let the bad behavior go. Healthy consequences and boundaries are good for teens, but they need to understand why that rebellion, that action, or that habit is not ok. They need to hear more than, "because I told you so." Consequences and boundaries also need to be consistent to be effective.

2) Express more concern for your child's wellbeing than for the damage accomplished by their action. For example, if your teenager wrecks the car, they need to know you are more concerned about their well being than you are about the damaged vehicle.

3) Discuss the danger your teenager put themselves in and the potential consequences should things have gone differently. What did they expect the outcome would be? Could anyone have been hurt or endangered? What effect could a series of bad choices have on their future?

4) Get to the root of the problem. Learn as best you can what led up to that bad choice. If it was alcohol, then why did they decide to drink? Were they depressed? Bullied? Peer pressured? How can you help? How can you, as a team, solve the problem?

5) Be consistent about communicating with your teen. If you have a relationship of trust built with your son or daughter, the aftermath of a bad decision is likely to go much more smoothly and your teen is likely to confide in you the truth.